Dear Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos,

Please buy that NFL team in Washington,  but not this Washington. Please purchase that sad franchise in the District of Columbia.

The Seattle Seahawks are not for sale, and that is perfectly fine with me. Even though Paul Allen is no longer with us, his sister Jody Allen is, and word on the street is that she’s gather pumped to be steering that ship. So, as much as Jerry Jones might like you to be the team’s owner, I don’t think she’s going to sell, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t want her to, either. Not to you, or anyone else.

Here’s the deal. Paul Allen saved professional football in Seattle. He didn’t have to do that, and football wasn’t even his first sport love (see basketball and Portland Trailblazers), but he did. Paul did that because of his love of the area, and he wanted the fan base to experience championships.

In his near twenty years as the owner, the Seahawks made the Super Bowl three times, winning one, have won the division eight times, and have made the playoffs thirteen times. They have missed the playoffs only seven times in that span. Outside of the New England fans, no other fan base has enjoyed as much success.

Jody Allen has stated that she intends to keep with her brother’s vision, and so far, so good. The 2019 Seattle Seahawks are 8-2 right now, and I believe Jody has had a big hand in that. She pushed for extending head coach Pete Carroll, and she signed off on the long term extensions of MVP candidate Russell Wilson and All Pro middle linebacker Bobby Wagner. She also allowed the team to use her personal jet to fly in Jadeveon Clowney when they traded for him at the start of the season. Like her brother, Jody just seems to get it, and I feel great about that.

However, I’m just not that sure about you. Maybe you would be a great NFL owner, I don’t know, it’s nothing personal, but I just trust Jody. You haven’t earned my trust yet, and to be honest, a lot of my more left leaning friends seem to believe that you’ve made Seattle a mess with the influx of Amazon employees that have come out here, and jacked up the cost of living.

Without getting into all that, if you were to hypothetically end up the owner of the Seahawks, not only would I have to dwell in the uncertainty of how you would act as team owner, but my Facebook feed would likely be filled with outrage from those who like to remind me that I am in love with a blood sport that is run by billionaire white dudes who won’t give Colin Kaepernick a job. Honestly, I don’t want to deal with that.

So, if you really want to get into the league, go buy that team in Washington DC, instead. I know that the owner has said that the team isn’t for sale, either, but as a lot of people say, money talks, and you have a lot of it. Plus, you already own the Washington Post, and word on the street is that you are moving to the area, as Amazon is setting up its second headquarter over there. So, why not just make it a DC trifecta?

Make Daniel Snyder an offer he can’t refuse, and get that team out of his hands. That poor pathetic franchise has sucked cow turds under his rule for decades now. He doesn’t  deserve to own it, and I’m confident that you couldn’t do any worse as the new owner.

One more thing, if and when you do purchase that team in DC, please change that awful name. I suspect that a big part of the reason that franchise struggles so much is that millions of Native American souls are willing that team to suck from beyond the veil each and every football season. I’m not joking about this. I know bad juju when I see it, and keeping that name intact is simply bad juju.

So, be a hero, and buy that team from Dan, and change its fricking gawd awful name. It would be the right thing to do, and maybe then, my ultra progressive friends will be more likely to say, “you know, that Bezos guy, he’s kinda almost alright. Now I don’t feel so conflicted about my Post and Prime subscriptions.”

Go Hawks, and sincerely yours,

Curtis Eastwood