Carson Wentz might play this Sunday for the Colts in their season opener against Seattle.

Whoop’dy freaking doo dah.

Let me ask you this question, Seahawk fan who calls thyself a Twelve. When was the last time Carson Wentz ever beat the Seattle Seahawks?

Oh, that’s right. Never. Never ever.

Not when he was younger and thought to be the next big superstar savior of the league for the Philadelphia Eagles, and certainly not over the last few seasons when he has been a busted up inept shadow of himself.

And it’s not like these teams of Seattle and Philadelphia have rarely played each over, either. Because of each club being relatively similar in terms of regular season finishing in the NFC, they have been scheduled to play each other a lot over the past half decade, or so. Seattle has beaten them every stinking time.

Carson Wentz has never known victory over Russell Wilson and Pete Carroll.

So, like, excuuuuuuuse me if I am not dreading the prospects of a gimpy Carson Wentz practicing this week to play against the Seahawks for the Colts. If anything, I think this is a dirty tactic by Indianapolis head coach Frank Reich.

How is it so dirty, you ask?

Simple. The Colts have a banged up offensive line, and Wentz is an anti-vaxxer.

Call me crazy, but here in the 206 of the PNW, we take our vaccination rate against the Covid serious. Pete Carroll and the Seattle Seahawks take the vaccine seriously (always protect the team, duh).

Frank Reich is going to throw gimpy un-vaccinated Carson Wentz behind an offensive line that could be without its starting center and its left side. Dirty stinking Hoosiers, Man.

They know perfectly well Seattle’s pass rushers could be going to be like “Eeeeewe, I don’t want Wentz germs.” I’m not kidding, either.

Look, I don’t want to get weighted down into the politics that divide about getting the vaccine, because that’s a whole other write up, but I know dirty underhanded coaching tactics whenever I see them. Reich is going for the jock straps of the vaccination conscious Pete Carroll led Seattle Seahawks.

That’s not cool, Man. It’s dirty, low down, mid western cow patty business. Not cool.

Seahawks win this game against the Colts by

Carlos Dunlap, Jamal Adams, Poona Ford, Kerry Hyder Junior, Alton Robinson, Benson Mayowa, Darrell Taylor and LJ Collier bathing in hand sanitizer on the side lines in order to get after Wentz. Pete Carroll wants to send his pass rushers in waves all game. Keep the sanitizer well stocked and near by as the big fellas rotate in, and as God goes with them, that should be enough.

Staying aggressive with Russell Wilson and the offense. The Colts have two massive and immensely talented defense tackles up front to lead a talented group of linebackers and defensive backs behind them. This is a good test and opportunity for new offensive play caller, Shane Waldron, to shine. Instead of being pig headed about trying to bang it inside with Chris Carson against these enormous men, look for Waldron to go up tempo, get Russ moving, attack with outside with runs, miss direction, keepers and quick hitters. Get the big DTs winded some, and the guys behind them second guessing. Basically, do everything Russ has been craving to do over the past three years or more. Just be aggressive.

Seahawks lose to the Colts by

Carson Wentz phobia afflicting the Seahawk pass rush. If Poona and Dunlap are thinking about not bringing Covid home to loved ones more than their sack numbers, the Seattle Seahawks are in trouble. Wentz is not likely going to be a world beater this year, and the Colts don’t seem to have a great group of receivers, but Seattle has question marks at corner right now, and the presumptive plan is for their pass rush to get home frequently to help the coverage out. If Jamal Adams is just as grossed out by Wentz as I am, this could be a problem.

Pete Carroll being bone headed about wanting to dial back the offense against a strong Indianapolis front seven. Pete Carroll has to let Shane Waldron cook in this one. He needs to give him space to work out the kinks with Wilson and company. Indianapolis likely is going to have a pretty good defense in this one, and at times, it will show. I think the best way to go about it, is to not play possum and then let it rip in the fourth quarter. I think you go after them in the beginning and try to gas them, if you can. I mean, isn’t this why we brought in Waldron from the Rams? To essentially be the Rams? Hopefully, Carroll sees it the same way.

Prediction

Seahawks start their season on the road against the Indianapolis Colts and prevail in victory, 31-27. You read it here first.

The final score will make the game appear closer than it actually ever was.

Seattle will have a healthy lead going into the fourth quarter, and in typical fashion, Carroll will call off his dogs in favor of a prevent style defense to help chew clock. This will give whomever is quarterbacking the Colts at the time the ability to test the corners of Seattle more, and a degree of Seahawk fans will surely be pulling their hairs out in front of their screens when easy passes are given up left, right, and center.

This will taste like a double turd burger when Carroll also asks Waldron to dial back the offense into a predictable running attack that the Colt defenders snuff out with ease. On the rage on Seahawks Twitter when this starts happening.

But alas, the cagey old coach’s conventional wisdom pays off. The Colts won’t have enough time to complete any come from behind triumph and the final play of the game will end on a Russell Wilson kneel down, and some angry old white dude somewhere in Idaho will getting triggered by the sight of that kneeling.

Because that’s where we are as a nation right now.

Go Hawks.