Bury Brady: A Seahawks Versus Buccaneers Preview

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Tom Brady has done it all as a professional quarterback.

He went from underdog 6th round pick to Super Bowl winning quarterback in short order during his long, and glory filled career. Since that time, he married a super famous and super wealthy supermodel, started a family with her, and he played in eight more Super Bowls, and won seven of them all together. What a life.

Tom Brady also has made millions upon millions of dollars as a high salaried athlete and a recipient of countless endorsements. What he has done for himself as a person, and what he has accomplished on the field won’t likely be matched by another quarterback anytime soon, and most likely not in my lifetime. Therefor, it is not a stretch to call him the greatest of all time (aka the GOAT).

He could have walked away from the game last Winter, at age 44, having just lost in the divisional round to the what would become the Super Bowl winning champs in the LA Rams, and not a single soul alive would have blamed him for it, and most would have admired how he hung tough against a dominant Rams pass rush. In fact, he did just that. He walked away from the game.

.. But then after a few weeks of being at home with his gorgeous wife and kids, he decided that he needed to come back to it.. to prove he could win one more ring (as if seven wasn’t nearly enough).

Fast forward a few months later, and supermodel wife Gisele has apparently finally gained enough self respect, and has filed for divorce. As if that wasn’t enough misfortune, now he’s apparently losing his shirt off of some shady crypto currency investing. Also, his offensive line sucks and therefor, so does his offense, and his team has a losing record.

It is more than fitting that he is now facing a surprisingly strong Seattle Seahawks team led by the even more surprisingly good quarterback play out of Geno Smith in Germany. I sense the Football Fates at play, here.

There is no universe out there where Tom Brady deserves to beat Geno Smith and the Seattle Seahawks this Sunday. Anyone who has studied Greek mythology understands that you do not tempt the motherf’ing Fates. When you do, it needs to end badly, as it did with Icarus and many others who were guided by impulse over reason.

Tom Brady very much deserves the fate of getting beaten badly by the Seahawks in Munich, and I think this is a game that is shaping up for just that. His offensive line is bad, and he lacks explosive playmakers around him. This is a bad matchup for him going against the resurgent Seattle defense that is quick and strong up front, and has playmaking speed in the backfield.

It is proper for Seattle’s defense to break Brady in this one, and bury him deeply into the German turf to which this game will be played on. Seattle doesn’t have to worry about any threat of running quarterback for the first time in many weeks. They just need to be sound, and play their game against him. The current trends suggest that they will.

Now, what Seattle really needs to do in this one is continue to be patient and efficient with the ball on offense, and not get rattled by an aggressive defense that can get after a quarterback. Fortunately for the Seahawk offense, it has faced similar defenses in the last month with the Giants and playing the Cardinals twice. In all those outings, Geno Smith came out looking pretty darn effective. There is no reason to think that he can’t be just that again in this one.

The Buccaneer defense is an interesting one. They are top five in the league for sacks, and they are also good at taking the ball away, but they can also give up yards on the ground and through the air, and they haven’t been great in the red zone. Geno just needs to continue being smart with the ball, and he needs to be aided by a dynamic ground game led by Ken Walker aka K9.

Ultimately, I think Geno will be. He’s playing too consistently good right now, and K9 feels like a player ready to take the NFL by storm as a runner. That’s a winning combo to pair with a Seattle defense that is also playing hot right now.

Therefor, I think the Seahawks win this one, and I think comfortably in the end, 24-13. This is what the Universe and all its Football Fates want, and therefore, I believe it will be.

It might not be the prettiest win for Seattle, but I think it is destined to be another ugly loss for the Bucs. Tom Brady might be feeling his magic coming back with that come from behind win against the struggling Rams last Sunday, but I think that’s just the Fates toying with him like a kitty playing with a mouse before biting the motherf’er’s cute little head off.

Tom Brady is going to feel pain in this one. I don’t know how many sacks Seattle will actually get on him, but he will likely feel Uchenna Nwosu, and Bruce Irving, Poona Ford, and Shelby Harris, and company. He will also see that speed and playmaking ability in Seattle’s secondary, as well. These Seattle no name defenders are ready to take down the GOAT like a sacrificial lamb at the Alter of Athena.

After all, Tom Brady has deeply offended the Virgin Warrior Goddess, gravely. There is no way for him to dodge that, either.

She will be with the Seahawks on their sidelines, whispering into the ears of Geno Smith and telling him she is with him on this day. She will flash her blinding breasts into Brady’s face just before Poona breaks free out of his stunt, launching himself into the GOAT’s ribcage. Tarig Woolen will dart out of nowhere to steal a pass for, and Athena will meet him in the end zone with the radiance of the sun.

.. Because this is what Tom Brady deserves. He does not get to enjoy victory on this day. Instead, he needs to receive the sobering reality that he chose pursuing yet another Super Bowl ring over his wife and family, and he just lost to Geno Smith on foreign soil for all of the World to see as part of the price.

This motherfucker deserves to lose and lose badly, and therefore, I believe he will.

Go Hawks.


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