Dear Seahawk Fan,

Don’t worry about your Seahawks losing this weekend to the Houston Texans. They are as bad of a team as it gets in the realms of professional sports.

They are a terrible offensive team, and they cannot stop the run on defense if it was my preschooler was lining up at running back against their defensive tackles. They are a miserable team, owned by an idiot who couldn’t see the value of positive culture, even if he was soaking in a jacuzzi full of yogurt with Ted Lasso.

I feel bad for their players and fans.

But even though Seattle will travel down there and comfortably handle this sad team, prepare to be underwhelmed by the Seahawks getting this win. Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the moments, but this will not be the beat down that you are craving.

Pete Carroll will see how bad their run defense is, and how bad their offense is at scoring, and he will instruct Shane Waldron to dial back the passing in favor of a conservative ground game to drain clock and score enough points to walk away comfortably with 5-8 record, and a slim playoffs chance remaining. I think this is the most certain thing to expect from the Seahawks in this one.

So all that fancy quick tempo and variety of pass plays that you saw Russell Wilson do against a tough 49er defense last Sunday probably isn’t going to happen. If this is true, it will be a shame, in my view, because I think there would be a lot to be gained for this offense to further work out the kinks of their hurry up, and show the fans how exciting it can be, and also gain further momentum with it as they travel to Los Angeles next week for a do or die rematch against the Rams.

If the Seahawks were coached by an offensive mind like Mike Holmgren was, I think this is the mode that they would travel with to face this inferior opponent. He would see the value of allowing his star quarterback to gain as much confidence as possible by throwing four or five touchdowns.

But Pete Carroll will see it much differently. Having his future with this team in a wee bit of doubt with team owner Jody Allen apparently not thrilled about how this season has gone, and having lost his star safety Jamal Adams to season ending shoulder injury, all signs point to Pete going the safe route in this one, and I get it.

He should have left guard Damien Lewis back and that will work to further fix a run game that now features geriatric Adrian Peterson and injury prone Rashaad Penny. He will probably feel more the urge to allow Penny to have a big “get right” game over Russell Wilson padding his passing stats and finding further rhythm with his receivers.

Not that Russ won’t have a good outing. I’m sure there’s going to be some pretty deep shots to Tyler Lockett and DK Metcalf that will happen off of his play action passing. He might even throw for two scores or more in that process, but I think the end result of this game is going to leave you wanting more, especially if you had him starting on your fantasy team based on this match.

I’m going to say at the final whistle blow this game ends in a 24-13 victory. It will feel like a decent enough win, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the score is 21-6 midway through the third quarter before Carroll dials it back on offense to drain out, but I think this final score won’t be reflect how easily Seattle handled this team.

I think it will also have a lot of us going “meh” afterwards, and maybe a little extra annoyed that Seattle couldn’t preserve the win against Tennessee at home early in the season, couldn’t find a way to beat a struggling Saints team (or that team in Washington), and have a record of 8-5 instead of 5-8 with a very slim chance at scrapping it out for the final playoff spot in the NFC.

This is how I am likely to feel, and I won’t fault you if you feel the same. I’m here for you in that.

Go Hawks.